Junk Food Woes

My story begins as probably many other mamas' did before me: my future kid will only eat fresh, homemade, local, organic goodness. I imagined my backyard to look like this:




Oh, wait. There isn't any food in that picture. But it looks very nice. Very, very nice. And quiet. Where are the toy cars? Sippy cups? Random articles of clothing??

Okay, so maybe my backyard would actually look like this:




There, now. And of course my "fake" kid would have spent a lovely, diligent afternoon beside me, digging perfect holes, placing healthy lush plants, and sprinkling them with water. We would have sipped on lemonade, the lemons having grown on our very own lemon tree. (Do lemon trees even grow in North Carolina?) We would plan our meals around what was in season. We would never waste ANYTHING. Any scraps would be thrown outside for deer, squirrels, voles, and possums (who were in turn so appreciative that they never fucked with my fantasy garden).

We started out fairly well. I made delicious homemade baby food, not from my garden but from locally grown, organic crops. Okay, so maybe Robert made it, but it was under my direction. And baby Max actually liked it!




I swear he liked it! I swear! He's just being overly expressive in this picture.

I don't even have a picture of Maeve eating baby food because she hated it. I do, however, have a picture of the food I made for her, and I will show it to my grandchildren and great grandchildren as proof of my superior homemaking skills. I'm sure they won't think I'm really just full of shit.




Something quite mysterious happened after baby #2, and all of my well thought out plans for how I wanted to raise my children went out the window. Pure and utter chaos ensued, during which time the chicken nugget became the staple food product. At first it was only once a week. Then it became three times a week. Which then turned into daily. And now, gulp, sometimes it's twice daily. For some reason, allowing the chicken nugget into my home justified the consumption of other unmentionable foods. But I'll mention them anyway. We have the Little Bites chocolate chip muffins. They NEVER are stale. They are moist and delicious. It's just my kids who eat them, on my honor...




We also have the coffee drink. My kids know the words "coffee," "latte," and "mocha frappuccino". They also know the restaurant names AND locations of where to get these drinks. And no, I'm not bragging. Okay, maybe I am. In the most embarrassing kind of way.




And then there is candy. My kids' favorites: sour patch kids, suckers, and m&m's (which I actually justify as acceptable because it represents their identity, if only in the form of initials). Here is 9-month-old Maeve eating a sucker from Halloween. (The fact that I can post this unabashedly must mean my crunchy, earthy, healthy soul has been sold to the junk food demons.)




I really think the chicken nugget is the gateway food item to even more alarming junk, such as Capri Sun drink bags and, gasp, french fries.








Now I feel really dirty inside and also bizarrely relieved like when you tell someone an unbecoming secret just so it doesn't have to stay inside anymore. However, even after looking at all of these pictures, and feeling horribly itchy mother-remorse, I STILL think I'm doing a pretty good job. I also think I'm capable of doing much better. I think my problem started with having these completely unrealistic expectations about what it means to be a good mother. I established these rules for myself that I now realize were setting me up for feeling like a failure. Such as... giving your baby a bottle is lazy and unnatural.




Putting your baby in a walker is dangerous and detached (both physically and emotionally).




Giving your baby a pacifier and decorating her with bows will simultaneously give her nipple confusion and gender identity issues.




Now, don't get me wrong, I still feel like a failure WAY too much, but I also try to be a little more realistic about my standards for motherhood. If I showed my kids love, acceptance, and security just A LITTLE bit more than I showed them my ass, we have all had a good day. And if I didn't, there is always tomorrow. And about the food, I'm going to set a goal to only give them chicken nuggets once a week. Errr, scratch that, twice a week. AND I'm going to clean out my car tomorrow so the McDonald's bags don't sing their hot, salty songs to me.




Do you have any of your own junk food woes to confess? Just between you and me... ;)

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