In general, I think that the reality of a child's perception is probably quite confusing. A child's ideas oftentimes do not match up with the actual content of those ideas. Their reasoning simply does not have enough experience behind it to be considered logical or rational. It really must be a frustrating time of life - to be a young child. In particular, the age range from 18 months to 4 must be especially trying. Before then, there aren't enough neuronal pathways to cause too much conflict, so a young toddler is generally a happy oblivious sponge.
Let me illustrate this concept with a story that Robert told me the other day.
I recently went back to work as a registered nurse. Right now, I'm away from the kids three days a week. On those days, Robert is a stay-at-home dad (who still tries to perform work duties from his laptop and cellphone, causing endless amounts of frustration and stress - there, I said it!!!). He drops off Max at Casa Esperanza (the really cool Spanish-immersion Montessori preschool that he attends) at about 8:20 am. Maeve goes along for the ride with a small hope of going to a park instead of back home to watch daddy click click click on the laptop. Okay, I'll stop being passive aggressive now.
The drive to school takes about 15 minutes, which is the perfect amount of time to have very interesting conversations that shed some light as to what exactly is going on in my children's brains.
Max always likes to know where everyone is and what they are doing. He's a control freak, so these types of questions give him comfort. On this particular morning, he was fixated on me, even though Robert had already told Max 126 times that I was at work. Lucky for us, Max also finds comfort in repetition, so we get to all be obsessive compulsive as a family unit - such a great way to start the day with a good dose of anxiety and a bit of paranoia!
Max asks, "Where's mommy?"
I would have responded snidely, "What did I tell you the last 126 times?"
But Robert is a nicer and a less antagonistic person than I am, so he says, "She's at work." He probably threw in a "buddy" too. Yeah, he's that nice.
Max pauses for a moment, then asks another question, "What does mommy do at work?"
Robert says, "She is a nurse!"
Then he really pauses, he's thinking hard. You can tell by his face that he is thinking about something potentially very disturbing.
Then another neuronal pathway forms based on Max's reasoning which comes from his very limited experiences in the world. This is where things can get funny for us adults who actually enjoy listening to blabbering children.
He says, looking at Maeve, "Baby's a nurse too!" he says this very emphatically. He knows this to be a fact.
Maeve becomes quite excited about the word "nurse". She thinks someone has just offered her a drink and readily agrees. "Yeah! Yeah!" she shouts.
Robert chuckles and tries to explain. "No, buddy. Baby nurses. It's different. She's not a nurse like mommy. Mommy helps people in the hospital when they are sick."
At this point, Robert feels that he has given both children enough information so that they understand the difference between their perception of nursing and the actual reality of the duplicity of the word. This assumption can foster some very hysterical mental images in the minds of our young children.
For instance, this is probably in Max's mind right now:
He thinks I am a nurse who goes to work NURSING sick people so they get better. Not nursing in the context of giving medications, explaining things in a nurturing way, or helping people get to the bathroom. Instead, Max envisions me as a nurse who breastfeeds her patients. He must think there is a couch at my work because that is usually where I nurse Maeve at home. The sick people line up for my milky elixir to take away all of their pains and infections.
Max thinks being a nurse implies the act of nursing, which he defines as a person suckling milk out of his mommy's boob.
I wonder how bizarre this might seem to him. Does he know that it seems very perverted? And if he does, does the fact that I'm helping sick people outweigh the perversion of it all?
See, the philosophizing of a 3 year old can be quite unsettling. I'm sure there will come a time when Max wants to clarify the many meanings of "nurse". But for now, I'm just going to let him think that I breastfeed for all!!!!!
P.S. Please don't tell my patients about Max's definition of being a nurse. Most of them would be confused and might choose to run away from me as their caregiver. A select few might actually be interested in hearing more, in which case I'll be running away from them.
Any philosophy going on in your house these days?
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