Max the Man

Max has developed a keen interest in private parts. So much so, in fact, that I consider them to be public parts. You see, I don't discourage questioning of this nature because I don't want my kids to be ashamed or embarrassed of their private... errrrr... public parts. That being said, I am quite ready and enthusiastic for the hot topic to be something like "what's the difference between a hammer and a screwdriver?" instead of "what's that hole right there?" You see what I mean.

Usually before bed, Robert will take a shower with one kid while I take a shower (in a different bathroom, don't get too excited...) with the other kid. Mostly, Maeve showers with me and we are all laughs and bubbles and splashing. Innocence still prevails.

But sometimes, Max showers with me. Then the conversation gets serious fast. Just the other night, he pointed at my lady parts and asserted, "That's mommy's penis!" He knows I don't have a penis. He's just baiting me into this conversation.

"No, mommy doesn't have a penis silly! Boys have penises. Mommy's a girl. Girls have vaginas!"




I hoped his interest would switch gears. What more is there to say? I coaxed him to pick up his washcloth and start washing.

But he continued to stare. And he seemed disturbed. I could see the wheels in his head turning at lightening speed, trying to make sense of something.

I tried to ignore him. I focused on washing my hair quickly, shaving my legs.

Five minutes passed. He still had this unpleasant expression on his face. I couldn't take it anymore. "What is it, Max???" I demanded.

He wrinkled his nose and said, "It needs a haircut, mommy."

Such a man!
*****************************
More proof of Max's approach to manhood occurred the next day.

Sometimes Robert lets Max watch him peeing in the toilet. Robert knows all sorts of tricks that I could never imagine. If it was up to me, Max would pee sitting down and then dab the end of his penis with a small piece of toilet paper. Dribbling is disgusting in my opinion. But Robert said no, Max would face years of taunting from his peers if I had my way.

So the other day, Robert was peeing and Max ran into the bathroom, screaming with urgency, "I need to go potty too!!!"

"Okay, buddy. After daddy," Robert said.

Max lacks the virtue of patience, however, and pulled off his underwear, shorts, shoes, and socks. Any form of waste elimination requires nudity from the waist down. And I kind of don't mind. Dribbling + underwear on = little wet spots. Yuck.

Max let it loose before Robert had finished. So they were peeing simultaneously in the toilet. Yuck.

From the kitchen, all I heard was loud urine streams. Then Max made an observation. "Daddy, you have a big pee pee!" he announced with admiration.



Such a man!

I was left feeling self conscious about my public parts. In fact, the shower talk prompted me to tidy up down there.

Robert, however, was left feeling quite pleased. Max had not chastised Robert to get a haircut. He merely saw the size, and left well enough alone.

I've decided something rather pivotal. From now on Max is going to shower with Robert. My public parts are going private again!

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