It's Getting a Little Warm in Here

A few days ago, Max was acting particularly dreadful. He pushed Maeve after she confiscated a car out of his meticulously placed car line. I tried to use my positive discipline techniques. I said, "Hands are for hugging, buddy!" He murmured back to me, "Well it's my car..." I ignored him.




A few minutes later, Maeve tried to sneak away another car. Max took my words a bit too literally.




"That's my car!" he yelled as he hugged the life out of Maeve. The only sound she made came from the air being squeezed out of her lungs.

That's when I lost it.




I yelled at him, "Never hug anyone again!!" Then I put him in timeout. And I was very loud and monster-like.

Fast forward to the next morning. I reached over to snuggle with Max and noticed his body was quite warm. There was not doubt he had a fever. I immediately thought back to my mothering failure from the day before. I should have been more compassionate, I thought. His throat was probably sore. His head was probably throbbing. And I told him never to hug anyone again. I lay in bed for a few minutes, clutching Max's warm body, feeling very tormented as a mother.




Being the nurse that I am, I believe in getting the most accurate temperature reading. So until our kids can hold a thermometer in their mouths, it goes in their rectums. For this reason, our children have a good deal of trepidation when they see the thermometer come out of the bathroom cabinet.




In fact, they run away from me holding their bottoms and shrieking, "Nooooo!"

I finally got Max on the changing table and have calmed him down when I realized that I don't have any Vaseline. I scurried back to the bathroom to look for some. I looked in all of the drawers and cabinets. We were out. I wasn't sure what to do.

Then I saw it. Nestled back in one of the cabinets, dusty from lack of use. A small bottle of Astroglide. And not just any Astroglide, WARMING Astroglide.

I was faced with a dilemma. I needed to take Max's temperature. But if I did, I would have to use my personal lubricant with warming sensation for added pleasure.

So I decided to compromise. I just used a little.




Max was very upset, not necessarily because of the warming Astroglide, but because of the thermometer in his butt.

Maeve generously offered him a toy car.

I gave him a hug.

And bought some Vaseline the next day.

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